Laugh Trip!!! Galing! 
Archive for the Category »Oh Boy(s)! «
When the new PC arrived home, I told my brothers to refrain from downloading stuffs from there. Being the firm believer that Macs aren’t easy for viruses, I highly recommended to use my dear MACyGay for their downloading pleasure.
They gladly obliged, of course.
I found myself in panic mode one day because I only had 10gb left. My mac is old, so it’s only 80gb… Never had the chance to upgrade it. So I practiced leaving a good 20gb free HD space to avoid crashes, which would be a nightmare! I kinda died when it almost happened last year, when I didn’t know that I should leave a 20% space…
I scanned the whole PC. There were videos of myself hehe , which I transferred to my external HD, and deleted eventually. A few movies and series were deleted also, but I was still left with some 2gb or so…
Then I reached my brother’s folder and opened it. The file names were names of girls, and are of avi format. Some are quicktime types… Ok I knew right away. But I had to open some to be sure. Hehehhe…
They obviously obeyed to download stuffs in my PC, including the “goodies”.
And oh, one time I caught one brother browsing youp*rn. 
When I reacted in my usual “ewwness”, he said he was plainly bored. Just that.
I was quite shocked actually, that even my brothers patronize the goodies. Btw, I also learned that I should be careful on using the word “goodies”, because boys get excited hearing them.
Which made me finally accept, that yeah, boys will be boys. They would always have a collection. Either they keep them in their HDs (or their sister’s HDs), or they keep them in their bookmarks.
I haven’t formatted the other HD for them yet, so I temporarily transferred all the downloaded stuffs in my external HD, which I carry all the time… that means I carry the goodies all the time too! But I made a directory under my brother’s name, so if you caught the stuffs in there, they’re not mine 
Category: Oh Boy(s)!
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It’s still valentine season. So it’s legal to whine and mumble about all the mushiness. See I told you I’m still the same, hehe.
This weekend, I did nothing. As in that was the ultimate hibernation at it’s best. I just slept, ate and slept again. At times, I dream and fantasize. But it’s actually dreaming most of the time (coz I am always asleep). I never went out, I just quietly switch rooms (mom’s and mine) and be the laziest person in the planet. Felt good actually to catch up with my streaming episodes of Grey’s, Private Practice, Lost (season 6 oh yeah!), and Glee! .. or sometimes harass the smart-bro customer service because of their uber super slow connection!
I’m shouting for this… Give me a guitar god!!! I want my guitar tuned!! Please oh please.. I’ve been longing to play the guitar (even cut my nails short)… I always find myself strumming again with an imaginary guitar in the bus, and my seatmate probably thinks I’m crazy… or doing something down there, and it’s not quite ethical you know!
Anyway, just got into one of the posts of my new stalkable-blogs-of-all-time, Good Times with Mo. I never got to listen to his morning radio show because I’m a commuter. The bus drivers won’t give in to my request because they get bored when there’s DJs talking more than the music playing.
A question of what would you rather be – to dump or be dumped? I chose the same as Mo, I would choose to be dumped.. maybe because my threshold for pain is quite deep, and I would not want to feel the guilt eating me for the whole breakup season (that time after the breakup, whether it’s months or years), especially if the guy is someone perfect. And… I don’t want to be the evil one. Probably I enjoyed (sort of) the moving-on stage (maybe I’m just saying that but not technically true when I’m on the actual setting).
Quite surprising coz I’m a girl, and I read somewhere… that girls are supposed to be the ones trashing boys (no offense guys)..
I came up with a new set of questions actually,
(1) Would you settle with someone you don’t love but loves you so much;
(2) OR Would you wait for that someone you love but doesn’t love you back…?
(You can interchange “like” and “love”, although they don’t really mean the same thing. But sometimes…)
Quite tricky huh. There’s a long debate for this but for a quick one, I always end up saying no to (1) and yes to (2).. even if it would take me forever. And it’s quite pathetic coz usually I would always end a loser.
My reason being is that if it’s (1), I would always dump someone, and it’s gonna make me feel guilty (related to Mo’s post). Next, is that there would be a possibility that this someone might be the one – the one that could give me the ultimate happiness that no one could ever give me, and I let him go.. and it’s gonna suck.
Yes to (2) because, that’s just how my biological-whatever ticks. I couldn’t settle. I always look for “sparks”, “fireworks” and chemistry. If there ain’t any, it ain’t gonna work. Liking or loving someone can be “learned”, they say. I really dunno how it’s learned. And I’m not dying to find out either, coz I feel that it’s scary. My viewpoint is that when two people fall in love, and somewhere along the way, one fell out of it, the relationship should end… Also if I feel that it’s going the rocky roads, I would end it right away… Or if the feelings are not mutual in the first place, then there’s no reason to go deeper.
Friends, including my mother, tell me that’s not how it should be. Sometimes we have to let go of our stupid ideals and try something new… Fight or keep on trying.
I’m not so sure if it’ll work on me. People say I’m too picky, and intimidating(?!?!) because of (repeat after me), my stupid ideals. And that stupid list I kept and had always written these past few years
I don’t know that much a lot, maybe it’s just me talking about the perfect world. That everything is ideal. That everything is mutual. That it should always be the happy path. Clearly, I’m still a baby. 
Category: Mushy, Oh Boy(s)!
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Sometimes I hate myself…
I hate that I don’t save. I hate that I spend, despite that I don’t have enough. I hate that I feel everything’s not enough. I hate that people don’t understand me. I hate that I don’t understand people. I hate that I have to adjust to them. I hate that I can’t adjust. I hate that I have issues. I hate that I feel that I am the only one with issues. I hate that I always have reasons for hate, but running out of reasons for being late.
I hate that I can’t be perfect. Physically I know I have nothing more to ask for. Haha joke only, I know I still need Belo or McSteamy (for surgery ). Oops there it is again. It’s no priority!
definitely got nothing to do with this post, but is something for mah *eyes*
Generally I have plenty more to work on about myself. You know, all those good qualities that big brother got concerning time and money… It’s in our genes but I hate that I didn’t get them.
I know that I want to change. But I also know for some reason that I can’t seem to change. And it’s frustrating. When you try to do something for the betterment of yourself, and you don’t seem to be successful on doing it… You practice hard, practice harder, and nothing changed, and then you give up. 
Giving up, is easy to do. I guess it depends on the context. I know I don’t give up easily on studying and work. I’m obedient, I persevere with my career and stuffs. But how come on self-”issues”, or sometimes life itself, I give up easily. And it gets me frustrated (the most overused word of this lifetime).
Seriously, I wish… I could do something. I wish, there’s a way, a fast forward that will resolve all these, but freeze time at the same time. So I will stay young, but free from all these hate and frustrations.
I faced a challenge today, it was tough but quite cool in the end.
It’s life. As Alanis tells me, you live. you learn.
Category: Oh Boy(s)!
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Back in Japan, I used to follow a star as I bike my way home. I used to have the same wish every night. Same star, same wish. I think about my future.. And what I wanna be.
Currently I don’t know what really makes me happy.. or what would make me happy. Weird as it may sound, my work.. not exactly all of it, but what I am doing makes me happy and somehow gives me the reasons to continue the journey.
I’m heartbroken but I don’t seem to feel the pain. I’m broke but I don’t seem to care… Or maybe it’s the other way around. I want to figure out.
Riddles.
Category: Oh Boy(s)!
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Since I started this new and revamped blog of mine, I vowed not to make any more dramas. You know, my previous blogs contain a loooot of rants and bitterness and stories about how life sucked big time. Now, I thought, ok stop these issues and start a new lifestyle. Write about anything happy, and crazy! It was a good ride. I think I became quite successful. But again there were really times when you can’t help but be sad. And weird as it may sound, you enjoy the sadness. And you cry to release it. But though I tried very hard a lot of times to cry, and release whatever sad feelings I had, I never was really successful. (quoting Addison) I wanted to cry, but my tear ducts are too proud. So I will just drink. Drink my hearts out. A lot of times I tried, but I couldn’t.
Until last Saturday.
At the height of Halloween, at Roppongi while people seemed to be getting ready to celebrate, I was in the church.
I didn’t know if it was just me feeling guilty… Or maybe it was the occasion, not the halloween celebration but the soul-ful day where you get to remember your loved ones, and make it their day. I thought I never got to visit my daddy for a long time. And it made me feel so bad. As if I didn’t care. A lot of times I really felt that way.
And then I cried. For the very first time in years, and after so many attempts, my tears dropped big time.
It was cool. I wanted to savor the moment while it lasts. Weird huh.
I thought I was selfish and sinful. So the devil would fit me, just that day.
Not all saints are good already before they became saints. So it means I could still qualify for the sainthood. Haha. Anyway, that’s all for now. No more drama next time.
Category: Oh Boy(s)!
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Apparently, my so-called “soul-searching” didn’t do anything good aaat all.
But anyway, today, I finally paid for my voucher… A smashing, striking, flashing 31,500 yen (300 dollars) for a certification. I kept the amount for some time because I was thinking back and forth if I should go for it or not. Especially now that I kept on procrastinating on my readings. 7 more chapters. And another 14 more for a second go… and mock exams…
Now that my oh so precious 31,500 yen is gone, there’s no more reason to back out. This is finally it. So Help Me God!
I figured that there is a need to regain something after all these craziness and stuffs.
You know, there are still a lot to prove, a lot to learn. Knowledge is a neverending journey. :)
… and by the way, yes, I am back! So back!
Category: Dreaming with you tonight, Oh Boy(s)!
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I wish I knew how to tune my guitar
I wish I knew how to play lead
I wish I knew how to stay numb
I wish I knew how it’s done
I wish I knew how to be disconnected
I wish I knew how to be not weak
I wish I knew how to stop hallucinating
I wish I knew how not to attach
I wish I have a lot of money (that’s just it actually)
Category: Oh Boy(s)!
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I could picture my brain becoming a maze with thousands of people in spandex uniforms running around in a swift uniform motion… but in different directions.
There are plenty of things I wanted to do but a lot are still left undone. That’s what keeping my mind busy… about what to do first, and how… not really big time tasks like changing the world for example… no, just simple stuffs that is making my mind a little complicated (or maybe it’s just me).
It may be a surefire way of reaching that certain level of insanity. So I’m keeping my cool somehow.
Chaotic Mind..? Never mind..
(I know this post really shouts chaotic=nonsense)
Off to Grey’s… I’m halfway the last season already… Guess this is the real thing that’s keeping me busy… and sane (sort of)
Category: Oh Boy(s)!
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New Theme!
he said, she said, i said