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Got this from Ericson’s Wall…

But before you continue… a public warning first…

Some scenes are not really suitable for very very young (and feeling young) audiences. Parental Guidance is seriously advised. Promise, serious!

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As a result of my quarter-life-eklavu, I kinda realized that I have a pathological desire for excellence. Maybe also a part of my frustrations in life. Like I never got my dreams of becoming the first and the best there is in class or gain honors in College (I was close, damn). It was quite difficult that time but enjoyable. Of course, I was having the time of my life as I have always thought.

So at one point I realized I needed to take something to be the top, or to feel the “prestige” of becoming a rock star (in the academic/career-kinda-way).

Then I took the path of certifications, which modesty aside, earned me quite a few bragging rights** My first one actually is just to help me prove that in spite of my party-girl-I-don’t-care-attitude, I am still worth a recognition. The rest just share the same shallow motivation

At this point I have to continue what I started, so I began to plan my study calendar for the rest of the year. I have to get something for this year. But my target is 2 for 2010… 1st is the TOEFL, 2nd is the SCDJWS.

Study Summary for 2010:

July-August: TOEFL (to be taken in August)
August-December: SCDJWS (to be taken in December)

Hmmm… I guess it’s time to draft a real schedule this time – a schedule without the party every week on it… Maybe once or twice a month will do. Hahhaah!

Maybe my vacation kinda normalized my life a bit so I feel it’s achievable. I might purchase the vouchers next month, so help me God!!

** But I tell you, bragging rights are not what I really wanted It’s actually the feeling of fulfillment, achievement, accomplishment and all its synonyms plus the superlative form of happiness (if there are any… ehh superlatives??! good luck in my TOEFL).

Wooohoooo!!!

I can’t really describe the feeling properly… It’s ecstasy… bliss… and all words you can relate to happy and giddy and <list goes on>…

I wanted to cry, fly and just hug everybody! It was funny, right after I got out of the prometrics I was smiling all the way… It’s like I’m saying hello to every people passing me by. And I was kinda dancing too… Looking at the sky and sending a million thank you to the One up above. The prometrics building in Shinagawa was one nice place. When I got out of the building, I stopped, closed my eyes and breathed deeply… I savored the smell of victory… and tasted the oh so sweet winter air… It’s 5 pm yet the moon was already up… It was the beginning of the perfect night… It’s the beginning of the perfect mid-life crisis

Anyway, if you’re wondering what the hell I’m talking about right now, it’s some geek stuff (SCWCD) which I decided to pursue, while I wait for some epiphany to happen on what exactly I want to do with my life. It’s like a next level to SCJP, Java plus the web. Something like that. Anyway I heard that it’s good for resume.

Talking about the experience, I had these preparations and more..

I sooo love my score this time.

The atmosphere was the same as SCJP. SCJP is more difficult. You need it before you can take SCWCD. I had the best score on SCWCD… but it was tough! I was already crying in the middle. I wanted to go out of the room and bang my head to one of the servers I saw there… Again… the agony of waiting for the score to process was torture! Always always the longest 10 seconds of my life… And to top it all, after I push the END button, I was still sitting there. The text “please go <somewhere i forgot> for your score report” was already displayed. And I could not stand up because I was feeling really apprehensive. I waited for the next screen, and clicked some button where parts are printed… basically that button destroyed my life. A window appeared showing divisions (like a table of contents), and I saw a lot of 0 numbers!! I closed it right away and did not bother to think about it. Didn’t even think about knowing what it is… I just thought.. OK, I saw a lot of 0s… I must have failed to a lot of sections. And my heart was crushed and burnt on my way to the admin desk for my score report. Then… I looked at the paper, saw two numbers immediately, 70% and 91%… then the status… PASS!!! I was saying loud omgs to the girl in the desk and she gave me a congratulatory smile and greeting.. Passing score 70%. My score was a whopping 91%!!! 63/69!!!

So now, I still don’t know what to do with my life yet, I can think about pursuing another certification… we’ll see. Maybe I’ll talk about EJBs or management-related certifications like ITIL or maybe Microsoft certifications (hmmm going to the other side huh…)

Cam-whoring in the prometrics center…

The Room

Some server room. Target of my headbanging imagination.

Merrry Merry Christmas!

The only time I appreciated the beautiful giant christmas tree in the building entrance. It was already lit by the time I got out.

I also took a lot of photos of myself while waiting for my exam to start.. Couldn’t avoid it… waiting was also torture! I was so nervous! This is camwhoring to the maximum level. Only discreet photos by the way, hehehe. The guy in front of me (who’s also taking a test) was probably singing to me “you’re so vain.. (and weird)”;

Oh, I forgot, I still have JLPT 4 coming up! Hahahah. Now I really need to pass this Japanese stuff coz I often take it for granted hehehe.

By the way, you know I’m not really the religious and devoted type. I’m not a saint, I’m bad girl (good girl sometimes )… but I pray. Along with all the preparations I did, my finale was a really really big-time prayer. Faith can move mountains. And it just did…

It’s a lame lame score. But at least passing for my very first attempt on my mock exams.

It’s another sign for me to keep reading, and take more mocks. Passing this little mock gave me some spark of confidence though.

Why do I always get 68%? It’s one step closer to that dirty number. Hahaha! Having a dirty mind won’t really take me too far! Tsk tsk!

Anyway, I finally decided when to take the exam. It’s no choice you know. Wish me luck!

This is probably a sign from the stars that I need to schedule my exam now. For quite sometime I’ve been very afraid to schedule my exam because I feel I’m not ready yet…

But today, for the first time in the history of mankind, I got a perfect score in the practice mock! Since I started traveling this geeky path (from the strenuous SCJP up to the tricky chapters of SCWCD), I never really got a perfect score, even a high score had always been impossible. And now I got a perfect score in the final chapter!!! You may think it’s the easiest part coz it’s about patterns. But it’s still a milestone

It’s history!

Now, the real hard part begins. Mock exams here I come.

So I made coffee shops my new library.

I like it that these coffee shops play nice jazz or any relaxing music. And the cigarette smoke…

Segway, up to now I still don’t understand why I like the smell of cigarette smoke so much. I am not a smoker (never even tried huffing and puffing a single one.. ever in my life.) Apart from the smell that I like, I always find smoking ladies cool.. especially those in their fabulous outfits. Or maybe those who are not but still looking fabulous nonetheless. When I see office girls smoking outside, I just think, “astig” (a Filipino street term for coolness). You know, I would love to try one, I did *think* about trying one… a lot. But I’m still sticking to my no-smoking policies. Besides, I’m the only one in the family who never smokes or never tried to smoke. And I intend to keep it that way. Healthy-living, plus I got to help the environment too! Mother nature would be proud.

Anyway, my “coffee shop tour” around Tokyo pays off. I got my target of undivided attention to my books.

Tonight, my eyes got really tired of reading. So I took some time to rest.. by touring the cosmetics store nearby, and again, I got my adrenalines pumping. I managed to walk out of the store not buying anything. I already spent a lot on these not so important things that I might be mistaken for being a makeup artist/manicurista (which apparently, I like ), if you get to see my ameko and my manicure-set.

Also experimented with the camera to relax mah eyes. This is how my face looks like without concealers. Of course I had to distort them a bit, and impose these awesome photobooth effects

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For two consecutive nights, I have skipped studying for SCWCD because 1) I was tired from work. This is the first time I found myself going at home later than 7! And oh, last night, it was 12… from the office; 2) My brains got drained due to a lot of brainstorming and designing (which I enjoyed by the way); and 3) When I’m at home and attempted to study, I have always been distracted by showbiz juices coming from all over the world.

I decided that I would wholly dedicate my weekend to a non-stop study marathon. Unfortunately, when I attempted to read, nothing reached my brains. I found myself again in that stage where my brains refuse to accept any more knowledge about JSTL and its related geek stuffs. I thought maybe a change of scenery would do the trick.

So I went to Roppongi, the club capital, where I usually spend my Saturday nights (taking turns with Shibuya ). Maybe if I go to a place where I always find my adrenalines pumping and myself jumpin, maybe.. my brains would activate.

But I didn’t study inside Flower (my now-fave club), I just spent hours at Starbucks and Doutour debugging my custom tags. The change of scenery was quite effective. At least I was able to read 20 pages..

But it’s not enough. Pressure is coming up, I need to rush up my SCWCD else, I would get confused. Because I need to do .NET at work.

If only there’s a way to separate knowledge absorption on different sides of the brain. Like .NET on the right side, SCWCD on the left, and then some small portion for Japanese. Problem is, a huge part of my brain is somewhat very good at absorbing nonsense (and dirty) thoughts. So I have a lot to work out.

Also this day, I suddenly realized that I haven’t talked to mum for quite a long time already. Maybe because of the fact that I haven’t received any more of stress-texts like, “Daughter, Chinatrust is coming to town! …Citibank is killing us! Or.. Your baby brother did something bad at school again..” Funny, I’m craving for those kinds of texts. I thought, hmm, they’re probably doing good over there already that mum wasn’t talking to me anymore. But I still called anyway just to make sure.

Turns out, yes, they are doing good at home. Mommy has a surefire way of handling stress. I like it. She sounds so cool about everything – the roof-repairs, the whiney maid, the need-for-a-dryer because it has been raining like forever back there (and it’s like climbing Mt. Fuji to ask big brother for money). I already broke the news that I’ll be home for Christmas. Mom wasn’t happy about that hahaha! Well she’s happy that we’ll be together for Christmas, but let’s admit, everybody’s rich if I’m here in Japan (not that super rich, but very much enough for everyone to be happy) So I would also be sad if I get to go home soon because my pockets would become very sad too.

Actually yeah, I was sad about it for some time. I just did a lot of meditation to slowly accept the fact that anytime from now, I am going home. (Hence the more reason for me to study so I could take the SCWCD exam anytime). Like before, there is no assurance that I’m coming back. But that would be another thing I had to worry about, or be sad about in the future.

Ok, enough of the mumblings. Back to my routine…

I love programming. You could do a lot of automation with just a few mental imaginations and keyboard manipulations.

You know it felt lazy to encode data from some excel file and put it in another excel file. Like, I needed to do 15 sheets of those. I thought it was very easy. It actually was but it was frustrating looking at the numbers, and a little overwhelming. And yeah, I felt so lazy *again*. I spent my time browsing lifestyle blogs and PEP, of course. After a few hours of bumming around, I felt the need to activate my brain cells again. I might get fired if I don’t do my job. And since I miss Java (2 weeks of programming in C++ made me miss Java so much). I thought about using POI. And let it do the trick of transferring these numbers and a few texts. I should have thought about that in the morning. Too much time had been wasted reading those showbiz juices.

So there I was, happy as I type my sweet codes of mine. It felt more fulfilling than doing stuffs manually. And I felt alive there. Not sleepy in the holy hours of the office afternoon.

I knew I won’t stay a programmer for the rest of my career. One day I should give it up and level up to a more mature position, like management. My seniors tell me that it’s impossible to retain both. Like you have to give up either your technical or management skills. But I think it’s possible to have both as you advance in your career.

But well, that’s just me. I’m always thinking anything is possible.