pinakamaganda

Many times. And it wasn’t new. I’ve been through it a lot of times before and I kinda got used to it.

Since I came back, I find myself frustrated everyday. And I often find all kinds of reasons to hate the world. It’s bad. And it’s making me ugly too. Maybe that’s the reason why I had always wanted to stay outta here (take my back there). Out there.. where despite the constant outpouring of sadness and emotions, I still feel free, and I enjoy. Sorry if I talk in riddles too much… it’s obvious anyway.

I will be around for quite a while. So I need to do something to keep my sad issues as far away as possible. I tried to begin exploring how not to remain mad and frustrated the whole day. I try to discover the “little things”, which I find amusing, and which will keep me entertained the whole day.. to help me forget for a while.

Sometimes, when all of it drops like a bomb.. I close my eyes, turn the volume up, and imagine me rocking with my dream guitar in a concert.. where I’m the star.

One time, after a melodramatic exit from a melodramatic encounter, I sat beside this cute stranger in the bus (it’s a hated part-of-the-bus by the way). I sat there in that particular moment nonetheless. So the whole bus ride, I can cry in class Coz there’s a cute guy beside me, and the thought of it comforts me enough.

Or, I listen to Chris Brown’s Forever. Yeah yeah he’s bad but I love his song. Even before the JK wedding fame. I like this part:

It’s a long way down,
We’re so high off the ground,
Sending for an angel to bring me your heart
Girl, where did you come from?
Got me so undone,
Gazing in your eyes got me singing what a beautiful lady
No “if”s, “and”s or “maybe”s
I’m releasing my heart and it’s feeling amazing
There’s no one else that matters
you love me and I won’t let you fall girl

And the video too..

Then smile it all away…

Since I had again one of those panic attacks because of that red nose reindeer issue, after work I hurried to the drug store to find something that would put a stop to the red nose from getting worst, or from growing bigger (both I think are worst).

I was surprised to see that they have a special section, over the counter creams/ointments, for pimple treatment. And there are a variety of creams/ointments to choose from. After another nose-bleeding experience of explaining what I wanted, while pointing of course to my red nose and other growing red circles (which I hate) on my face, they gave me a recommendation, which I bought for 946 yen.

The saleslady/drug expert I suppose, told me that I should apply it twice a day. Morning and night. At night I won’t have any problem because I’d just be in my place, and nobody would see me except my roomate which wouldn’t also had any chance of seeing me in my now-white-glamoured nose because we don’t really see each other often. Think about toothpaste on your face. I tried that by the way, toothpaste over pimples because I heard from an old myth that there’s an ingredient in toothpastes that makes pimples go away! It didn’t work, or maybe I was expecting it to work overnight. Too much expectations so no deal!

But in the morning, I had to apply it and go to work… yesterday was OK. Since I went to work with a mask. In the middle of the day, the whiteness has somehow disappeared so I removed my mask and went through my day. Not really comfortable with a mask… I thought, I wouldn’t need any mask at all because the white pigment slowly disappears.

This morning, when I had my usual morning stuffs, I put the cream on my face again. Since the lighting on my room in the morning is not that bright (just recently, I only use sunshine in the morning), I could see that the white pigment is hardly noticeable. So I went to office without my mask. And when I arrived, I was welcomed with 5 laughs when I greeted-all-smiles, ”Ohayou Gozaimasu”. I looked at my table mirror, and there it was shining brightly: As if some bully kid did a free-style drawing on my face using a chalk. It was ugly! I could imagine those two Japanese colleagues in front of me are probably trying to pretend not to notice because they didn’t react. But they probably would want to go out and laugh their hearts out.

So before I could give those kids that I always see on my way to work a very good reason again to make fun of me, as they always do , I would wear a mask. Nasty red pimples!

It is true that when the “ber” months start to arrive, christmas would just be around the corner. And you would hear bells. However I didn’t feel that at first. Even though the weather in Japan is very much conducive to feeling the spirit of Christmas because it starts to get colder, I didn’t feel Christmas yet. Autumn, yes I felt it because summer sales are over and shops are displaying Autumn collections already.

But this morning, I definitely felt Santa Claus is coming to town. Because his reindeer has just woken up. When I looked at my bedside mirror, I heard “ho ho howww” in the background…  there was it.. my shiny big red nose saying H-E-doubleL-O-HELLO!!! Arggh.

I hate it. Pimples starting to grow. I am gonna hurry to the drugstore and find some anti-pimple stuffs. I hope they have those kinds here… Coz when I arrived in the office, that’s what my colleagues noticed.. They even greeted me Merry Christmas! (and yes, I think I heard someone sang “Joane the red nose reindeer..”, or maybe it was just my imagination)

These pimples seem to be growing rapidly on my face, recently. I had attributed it mainly on sleeping very late at night (usually morning) because of either non-stop studying or non-stop partying (weekends only, so no sleeping in that case). And yeah, the non-stop eating of sweets I suppose.

Fine, the crazy talking hormones finally shut their mouths up because they found a way to make me still feel their annoying presence — right by showing up on my face! grr!