pinakamaganda

This is one Saturday when I got the chance to really rest the whole day. I spent the day sleeping, eating, and watching my series via streaming. And since megavideo stops me from continuing my series bliss every 72 minutes, I had to find some way to kill time. When I was done stalking people in Facebook, I dug my online secret diaries and started reading..

As many of you may probably learn, I’m quitting my first ever job. It was a difficult, sad decision. Like, I couldn’t help crying a river in front of my managers while talking about my decision. Every minute as I feel that the last day draws nearer, contributes to a tear in my eye. Yes, I am THAT emotional. All my projects in the company had a lot of effect on me. Even the people I met along the way. Everyone I treasured. Everything has a space in my ultra-emotional/sentimental heart. And I could not do anything about the heart-thingy. I could not control my passion to my projects, to the work. It’s disturbing sometimes, because someone told me, after sometime, I will be forgotten.. Hence I should not let myself too attached to work. I’ll try to work that out.

Again I found some entries in my secret stash funny.. The first time I got my pay check.. the PNB days… The first time I travelled abroad (with my PNB mates no wonder), the first time I got to Boracay (with them again )… the first time I got to Japan for training… that moment when I felt that the city and I had a connection … the first time I played badminton… christmas parties (where I feel that I always had to do something to be the STAR) … The minute I got my working visa to live in Japan for quite some time… Those crazy times in the isolated-fabulous Okinawa land (a lot of crazy alone time. Hahaha.)… The Tokyo adventure (and misadventures ) … The boys… err… boys? No boys .. oh, my first modeling stint in Fujitsu Knowledge Center hahahaha!

I could not list down everything in one posting… but one thing for sure, I was enjoying most of my time in the company. And I may have not grown up to be the best star employee… but I learned a lot. Though I’m quitting, the learning is never-ending.

I had to bid farewell. I had to do it… to move on.

One week to go…

Hearing mushy songs makes me go cheezy all over.. unavoidable even in the middle of work. Maybe it’s a monday so my office brain wasn’t on fire.. yet. Hence, here’s your little whiney baby, again.

I found myself feeling “alone”. Anyone can argue with me and slap me out of it, demand me to look around me and enumerate all the social advantages that I have. Of course I understand that, and still thankful.

So it’s quite difficult to get an exact definition for my term – “alone”. Perhaps it’s more ok to tell it to a fellow mushy single person, perhaps there could be a better understanding. I don’t know.

Maybe my too-imaginative mind traveled around the universe, and took me to a lot of heights.. I’m thinking this way – one day, I would get all my dreams, my career goals. I could be the president of my company (hell yeah). I could own my clubbing business. I could grab my empire, be the most stylish and most glamourous party-girl you’ll ever know. I could get all the money in the world. Yes, I could be that girl. That woman. Money and Power and Beauty (thank you doctors) all combined.

What if I have ALL that… but I am all alone. Party galore all-night or work-all night (eww) and feel miserable in the office and not feel OK coz I don’t have someone to go home to that is worth it all, or don’t have additional reasons to wake up in the morning very happy, wake up with a hug, and a kiss, and maybe more! hahaha. No one to go crazy with. No one to do all that. What if? It’s gonna suck.

I’m missing that happiness that you get whenever you’re with someone. It gets annoying sometimes when everyone pushes you to guys because they know that you’re single. But I’m sport to anything anyway, so it’s OK. It also comes to a realization that maybe they’re right. I’m not doing anything to make myself available. It’s difficult to open yourself when you’re too hung up. Or wait for the right “moment” – that moment when he comes in and the sparks are there.

How I wish it would all be easy, not to desire the guys who are unavailable and unreachable (stars, in other words), coz for some unknown reason I always do that. Nor to expect, base too much on standards (remind me to burn that “le list”), nor wait for miracles to happen, which I always do as well.

When all my crisis are over, there would be more moments of contemplation, and evaluation. Of course, life is not designed to be easy. There has to be some thinking factor. Something has to be replaced when it’s gone. Something bad has to be replaced with a new bad (and ugly) when it becomes good. Something like that.

So I will stop right here. And keep all these to myself. Before I sound like a radio drama show.

Valentines Sucks. All these hearts hearts all around – I hate them that they’re all making me puke. — NAHH!! I know you wouldn’t believe that I said that

These past days (and these past few posts), I was all negative. So I refuse to be angry this time. It’s the season of *love*. It’s time to submit to romance sometimes.

But thank God that Valentines fell on a Sunday! And on a new year (Chinese), so I would have reasons for being dateless. That if somebody would ask me, I would say it’s sunday, it’s family day!

Before, I used to get excited and gush gush over valentines day posts and usually came up with a “list”. It’s been what, n years… I really didn’t get to have a valentines date. So I always end the day with a list of “requirements” for “the man”. Now, I’m not doing anything closer to that.

I won’t make any lists, nor make any wish. Honestly, I don’t care. I’m not bitter. I’m not hating the people for celebrating love. I don’t know if it would happen to me or something, like if somebody would be giving me flowers and all, I know I would giggle. It’s still me. I’m pro-valentine season.

But I got tired of hearing or seeing too many cliches. Maybe because of the tough times, or the accumulated broken hearts, or my insecurities. And it scares the hell out of me. Because I really don’t want to be that monster, whom every year, would find reasons to hate valentines, or the idea of love. A mockery of what I would become if I continue being this – the valentine monster, and I will eat crazy-in-love people alive. Scary!!

I know the feeling of being in love. It’s fantastic. And I know that a part of me is still longing for somebody. Somebody that would give me balance. You know, I hate the world, and I love it too because there’s someone who makes me feel it. Shallowness at its best

Anyway, Ive been longing to perfect this song in my guitar since my blogspot days – Another Day by Mojofly. I’ll post my video *faint* once I get to perfect it. It’s been my theme song ever since, too. Hehe, always loved this song,

My guitar’s out of tune again! And it’s difficult to find (and bully) someone to tune it.

Happy Valentines Day everyone!