pinakamaganda

Current Song in my play list: One Last Cry by Brian McKnight
Next Song: Steep by Lauren Christy
Next Song: There’s No Easy Way by James Ingram
Next Song: Sometimes Love Just Ain’t Enough by Patty Smythe and Don Henly
Next Song: Loads more of love songs…

I am in senti mode but I am not in love. As what I have specified in my aboutme, I am a mush addict and a hopeless romantic person. I have been listening to so many love songs ever since. I am drowning myself to this kind of music. The first time my heart was broken, I hated these songs because I thought they were all lies… a thinking that most bitter girls would think so… Hehe… Yeah I was bitter before and even became a fan of super duper hard rock music for a short time… I thought hardcore rock would heal my heart… But I discovered later on that it was just a fallacy… =)

Heartbroken or whatever feeling I have, I still listen… I am affected by the lyrics, the music and the beat but I don’t care. It is a little helpful for me because my creative mind on love and romance starts to work again… despite the fact that I am single right now. But I wonder to whom do I dedicate every love song that I listen to… I tried to count the few good relationships I had and the so many crushes I have… tried to match them with every love song in my mind… but I can’t, too varied…

Whenever I hear the kilig stories of my “taken” close friends, I thought “hey I have mine too… before.” I am single again, with so many love songs in the air and no one to dedicate them to. I am not sad because of that. I just salute my taken friends for being responsible on their treasured relationships. But I hate those who look at you and talk to you in a way that they think they are sooo good on relationships just because they still have their present boyfriend/girlfriend. I have done wrong, I admit. No need to push through. I miss being missed by someone, being pampered and having that wonderful thought that someone cares for me so much… but it may seem unbelievable, as of now, I don’t think I can go back to that same feeling again… I don’t have any special man in mind. I am a little satisfied with my single life now. From now on, I don’t expect too much from my love life. I am just enjoying each passing moment and grabbing every good opportunity that comes my way. This is single hood. I am completing myself. Though I haven’t reached that point yet where I can say that I am complete. I am still searching my happiness, doing things that I never imagined I would do before, living my life extraordinarily.

I get even confused with myself sometimes. I am having this “I don’t care attitude” wherein I don’t mind everything that I feel. Am I already numb? Is this bad for me? Maybe, but sometimes feeling nothing at all helps.