I think it was mid last year when I decided to grow my nails (coz of that new addiction called nail polish). Hence my guitar, Mrs Sepia, spent her days in the closet for the last 6 months. So sad.
You see, I still feel that I’m a beginner when it comes to guitar-playing. It’s a big hobby. I play the guitar when I felt playing, or when I feel like making a video of myself (since I’m narcisstic as always, or plainly a show-off to my friends ). But I didn’t really get to practice.
Anyway, here are the last stretch of videos I made. I failed to upload these before. Good thing I have backups. I had more in my other site in me.com. Unfortunately, I didn’t renew there hence I could not access my videos. I should have used youtube.
And I can’t party right, the mood is not there because I’m zero (as in literally) for the next 15 days. If I say no a hundred times it wouldn’t matter. I would still remain a party pooper, not cool. Well, I could get over it, but I wouldn’t be able to move on by the fact that friends would hate me for not coming to a once in a lifetime thrill (as they say). It’s exaggerated you know. Everybody knows I’m outgoing, but one day, I wouldn’t be anymore, despite the fact that I’m always dying to go all the time. Because I won’t have the money.
I really don’t like it when somebody would pay for me, call it pride. I don’t like to be pa-special either. So I still go despite the lack of resources. However, I heard my mom told me once, that it’s bad. I’m a girl and I should learn submission sometimes.
Last night I said no because I have a lot of issues, but the friend said, f*** them all, just party the night away. And I did, I gave in, and submitted…
Many times. And it wasn’t new. I’ve been through it a lot of times before and I kinda got used to it.
Since I came back, I find myself frustrated everyday. And I often find all kinds of reasons to hate the world. It’s bad. And it’s making me ugly too. Maybe that’s the reason why I had always wanted to stay outta here (take my back there). Out there.. where despite the constant outpouring of sadness and emotions, I still feel free, and I enjoy. Sorry if I talk in riddles too much… it’s obvious anyway.
I will be around for quite a while. So I need to do something to keep my sad issues as far away as possible. I tried to begin exploring how not to remain mad and frustrated the whole day. I try to discover the “little things”, which I find amusing, and which will keep me entertained the whole day.. to help me forget for a while.
Sometimes, when all of it drops like a bomb.. I close my eyes, turn the volume up, and imagine me rocking with my dream guitar in a concert.. where I’m the star.
One time, after a melodramatic exit from a melodramatic encounter, I sat beside this cute stranger in the bus (it’s a hated part-of-the-bus by the way). I sat there in that particular moment nonetheless. So the whole bus ride, I can cry in class Coz there’s a cute guy beside me, and the thought of it comforts me enough.
Or, I listen to Chris Brown’s Forever. Yeah yeah he’s bad but I love his song. Even before the JK wedding fame. I like this part:
It’s a long way down, We’re so high off the ground, Sending for an angel to bring me your heart Girl, where did you come from? Got me so undone, Gazing in your eyes got me singing what a beautiful lady No “if”s, “and”s or “maybe”s I’m releasing my heart and it’s feeling amazing There’s no one else that matters you love me and I won’t let you fall girl
If you have been an avid follower of my life, you would probably know by now that I am the type who loves to write. And yes, diaries are part of my younger years. I kept about 5 books already.. mostly high school stuffs and shallow topics about friends and boys (of course ).
Even if my regular chronicling have been replaced by blogger, i.ph, dotmac, and now wordpress, I still kept those diaries in my drawers. I have no intentions of reading them again and go over my juvenile dwamahs but the thought of just having those memories feels nice. Hehe.
Until one day, big brother decided to throw them all away!
Well, it was all nice and sweet, actually. He did the cleaning of my room. It was a big favor to me because I really wanted to clean my room by throwing everything away. But, of course, if I were the one cleaning, I would preserve my diaries, and doll houses (thank god I managed to get them back), and my 9 year old collection of cosmopolitan + other magazines. I’m that sentimental ain’t I?
Anyway, I was apprehensive at first to ask where the diaries were… After a few days of searching inside house drawers in vain, I decided to ask big brother directly, to confirm if he really threw them all… He told me that yeah, he sold them, along with my other things to the magbobote (some fellow buying old newspapers and old stuffs and uses them for a living)… I was dismayed with what I heard.
Big Brother asked me (with sarcasm), “Why, are you still planning to read them?” I answered no… I was actually keen on throwing them all, but not sell them. If I were to choose, I would have destroyed them by burning rather than give them to some fellow who might use them against me. Hahaha I’m too paranoid eh, I feel that I would be famous someday… and my long lost diaries would cost a lot if they find their way to the wrong hands! Omg… my juvenile secrets… along with my childhood fantasies… all of them in the open…
Partied all night on the new year with mah girls and my brother…
New Year’s Eve party at home… and another party with my super friends from my friendly neighborhood.
It all looks like I have the perfect social life. But don’t be fooled.
I couldn’t believe that these all happened in one week… I feel that I spent 2 weeks in the office already. It seems that I have been enjoying going home at 12+ AM everyday. And I am still sick. Been coughing out loud in the office and it is starting to irritate me seriously (maybe the mates too). But in the morning, I still felt proud because I could manage waking up early and going to the office (Irony of life: I always hated the morning shift. But I am still in it.).
One night I was pressured by the friends to meet them for a little chat and drink (see above). I still came in spite of the super late hours at work. I had to say that Red Horse tasted so goood that time. It tasted like Sweet Juice. My discovery for the week: Beer is my current ultimate stress reliever. Maybe I need to bring some to the office.
Well.. I just upgraded to Wordpress 2.9. I did stumble on a lot of problems, it’s still messy as you may notice..
And I installed a new theme, but since my messy upgrade is too obvious, I could not activate the new theme yet… Hopefully, I will have time to fix things up.
UPDATE: New theme successfully installed! *hopefully*
This is not the big comeback… yet. I have more surprises coming up. This is just my obligatory new year post.
Let me give you a little rundown of my 2009. It was a mixture of ups and downs. But this post is gonna be about the good stuffs.
This video kinda reminded me of the party days Joane the party girl unleashed in Tokyo. I had the best time going to dah clubs! It was quite nice completing my list of the “it” and not-so-it-clubs around. Know which one is rockin and which one sucks. Yes I’m that kind of girl who parties a lot. And right now, I’m missing it. I’m missing the gimik friends. I want to go out. It’s the season of the parties. Since I got back here in Manila I never went out except meet friends. It’s better than nothing. And oh, I spend my Friday nights @ the Fort, in the office, doing work! And, in the festive season of the Christmas and New Year Breaks, I am sick!!! So my spirit is so willing to go out, drag party friends and dance the night away but my body is so weak. To top it all, you know how bad it feels when you cannot savor the abundance of good food because you’re so sick to taste them. Arrggh feeling.
How could I ever forget my Spring Gig at Roppongi… It was a dream come true, to perform in a band, in a bar, in front of everyone. I was just the back up singer / chuwariwariwap girl promoted to perform 4 solos. I could never forget the ecstasy I feel every time we rehearse in a studio. I’m so thankful to my rocker boss, who I had a crush to because he was so cool (I’m a sucker for rockers). But of course it’s just a shallow admiration. Don’t worry, no hidden desires there.
By the way, I was not assigned to Tokyo this year to party and be famous. I was sent to work. It was very busy, but I pretty much liked what I have been doing.
The finale, I guess is my certification. You know, something that I needed to achieve to crush the setbacks. And I felt good about it. The nights of studying despite the late home time due to super overtime works… the anxieties of failing and crying over a wasted money (certification cost)… all of these vanished in thin air after I saw my score. Passing a certification is always the best time.
And of course, I got to save money (though not technically true)… My brothers were happy – a laptop, a psp, a camera. My christmas gifts to them. Don’t you just love me?
What’s in store for me this twenty ten? Of course I don’t know, everybody doesn’t know… But I’m dying to find out. How about we explore together?
Happy New Year Everyone!
XOXO, JoaneGirl
(Yeah, it’s also part of my 2009. The TV Series addiction)
he said, she said, i said