pinakamaganda

It’s still valentine season. So it’s legal to whine and mumble about all the mushiness. See I told you I’m still the same, hehe.

This weekend, I did nothing. As in that was the ultimate hibernation at it’s best. I just slept, ate and slept again. At times, I dream and fantasize. But it’s actually dreaming most of the time (coz I am always asleep). I never went out, I just quietly switch rooms (mom’s and mine) and be the laziest person in the planet. Felt good actually to catch up with my streaming episodes of Grey’s, Private Practice, Lost (season 6 oh yeah!), and Glee! .. or sometimes harass the smart-bro customer service because of their uber super slow connection!

I’m shouting for this… Give me a guitar god!!! I want my guitar tuned!! Please oh please.. I’ve been longing to play the guitar (even cut my nails short)… I always find myself strumming again with an imaginary guitar in the bus, and my seatmate probably thinks I’m crazy… or doing something down there, and it’s not quite ethical you know!

Anyway, just got into one of the posts of my new stalkable-blogs-of-all-time, Good Times with Mo. I never got to listen to his morning radio show because I’m a commuter. The bus drivers won’t give in to my request because they get bored when there’s DJs talking more than the music playing.

A question of what would you rather be – to dump or be dumped? I chose the same as Mo, I would choose to be dumped.. maybe because my threshold for pain is quite deep, and I would not want to feel the guilt eating me for the whole breakup season (that time after the breakup, whether it’s months or years), especially if the guy is someone perfect. And… I don’t want to be the evil one. Probably I enjoyed (sort of) the moving-on stage (maybe I’m just saying that but not technically true when I’m on the actual setting).

Quite surprising coz I’m a girl, and I read somewhere… that girls are supposed to be the ones trashing boys (no offense guys)..

I came up with a new set of questions actually,

(1) Would  you settle with someone you don’t love but loves you so much;

(2) OR Would you wait for that someone you love but doesn’t love you back…?

(You can interchange “like” and “love”, although they don’t really mean the same thing. But sometimes…)

Quite tricky huh. There’s a long debate for this but for a quick one, I always end up saying no to (1) and yes to (2).. even if it would take me forever. And it’s quite pathetic coz usually I would always end a loser.

My reason being is that if it’s (1), I would always dump someone, and it’s gonna make me feel guilty (related to Mo’s post). Next, is that there would be a possibility that this someone might be the one – the one that could give me the ultimate happiness that no one could ever give me, and I let him go.. and it’s gonna suck.

Yes to (2) because, that’s just how my biological-whatever ticks. I couldn’t settle. I always look for “sparks”, “fireworks” and chemistry. If there ain’t any, it ain’t gonna work. Liking or loving someone can be “learned”, they say. I really dunno how it’s learned. And I’m not dying to find out either, coz I feel that it’s scary. My viewpoint is that when two people fall in love, and somewhere along the way, one fell out of it, the relationship should end… Also if I feel that it’s going the rocky roads, I would end it right away… Or if the feelings are not mutual in the first place, then there’s no reason to go deeper.

Friends, including my mother, tell me that’s not how it should be. Sometimes we have to let go of our stupid ideals and try something new… Fight or keep on trying.

I’m not so sure if it’ll work on me. People say I’m too picky, and intimidating(?!?!) because of (repeat after me), my stupid ideals. And that stupid list I kept and had always written these past few years

I don’t know that much a lot, maybe it’s just me talking about the perfect world. That everything is ideal. That everything is mutual. That it should always be the happy path. Clearly, I’m still a baby.